people are always struggling to find themselves. I feel you can only who you are by the death transition. I’ve been fixed on death for a year now. nothing else captures my interest anymore. I want to grow spiritually. it is the only true
path that will leas to freedom from ego. that is who we are. we must strive to reach a state of numbness. this is also bliss. stay prepared for the unprepared by diving into it. allow it to smother you into a different and more naturalistic reality. or you will never know what it is to be in union with everything. which is the something in nothing.

I’m tired of arguing. I’m tired of a lot of things in my life and yet I fear changing them because I feel life is already changing at an uncontrollable and brutal rate. It’s hard to be the judge of it being for better or worse. I am very detached from the only reality I had ever known. Being thrown into this reality, or, the “real world” is actually beginning to frighten me. I feel alone. I’m very tired  of hearing other people say this and I feel I can justify why it’s alright for me or for others in my shoes to say this. 

It’s hard to face the music. It’s hard knowing you have to face the music while you also have to find a job before facing the music in a jobless time and keep all friendships and relationships stable. And your health. and your mental health. Keeping stress at bay is something I can’t do. When I don’t have mental stress I have a tension headache which creates anxiety and panic, more stress. .

I’m tired of looking at myself from an objective point of view. I’m tired of a lot.

If my heart were made of bread 
I would wait at least one moment 
before breaking the sunrise —

It’s great when you lose it all. I mean, when you really lose it all.

When one day you wake up and find out that you are not invincible or in anyway more superior to other people. There are laws we must abide and morals we must follow or we just…aren’t…human beings anymore. And if you start a tribe with people who you believe are likeminded it goes well, as well as novelty is going well. Well we all know about novelty. At least those of us who have had more than one relationship. I don’t want to call them relationships anymore. I want to refer to them as hardships-to-be. I am the captain of the hardship, all aboard, mothafuckaz.

Time doesn’t even exist and I fear it! Next the fear of God will be boiling inside of me!

“Don’t sweat this you’ll get through it” 

“Look at what’s beautiful in life, there’s so much beauty”

I’m sorry I can’t see the beauty in the universe because it’s clouded by chem trails.

Or I can’t live life without a persistent tension headache and hypochondria or negative feelings because I rushed through life and must face the most soul crushing of consequences.

It is definitely 2012. 

I have a boyfriend who cares so much he’s alright with leaving me in panic because he wants to be around those who won’t refer to him as a dick or asshole. It’s always good to have people with blinded opinions hype you up and make you feel more masculine. If I had those I would be perfect.

You know…those ignorant friends who drive around town to try and find the cheapest can of duster to huff. (even with bittering agents)

The friends who listen to songs about how they wish their lover was as loyal as their dog. I should buy a dog, I guess.

The friends who aren’t around unless there are chemicals available to alter their state of consciousness.

I love those people. I could never label myself as a pessimist or misanthropist, because life is just too fucking wonderful, isn’t it, guyz?!?!!@<